WHEN SOMEONE YOU KNOW IS GRIEVING A SUICIDE DEATH YOU CAN BE MORE HELPFUL THIS WAY . . .

Keep in mind that suicide grievers are struggling with a wide variety of confusion and conflicting emotions such as anger, guilt, regret, shock, denial, emptiness. Avoid adding to their pain by making trite cliches and meaningless platitudes no matter how well intentioned they may be. Here are some things not to say:

• I know how your feel.
• This too shall pass.
• You will find a way to cope.
• It's time to move on.
• At least he/she is no longer in pain.
• Don't cry. He/she wouldn't want that.

And, here are some comments which suicide grievers do find helpful. Use these:

• I am sorry.
• Just know that I care.
• We all need help at times like this; I'm here for you.
• I don't know how your feel but I want to help in any way I can.
• I am here for you; have an open heart and time to listen.
• I will stand with you through this time.

When reaching out to a suicide griever choose your words carefully so that they heal rather than hurt. Tracy Roberts, a writer who lost her sister to suicide, cited an example of hurtful words in her essay Suicide Etiquette”: “After Amy killed herself. She recalled that “someone said, by way of comforting me, ‘Suicide is the coward’s way out.’ Besides being an inane truism, this pronouncement indicted the sister I was mourning. How was that supposed to console?”
Consider also this insight from Gayle Brandeis, The Art of Misdiagnosis: Surviving My Mother’s Suicide: "While it can be tricky to know what to say to a suicide loss survivor, it is much better to reach out than to hold back out of fear of saying the wrong thing. A simple note, a simple gesture, can make a huge difference. “It was not your fault” is something many suicide loss survivors need to hear over and over and over again, as is “You are not alone.”