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6. Mindful silence. . . can involve spending time alone in meditation, prayer, reflection, contemplation.
7. Mindful eating. . . . Be sure to mindfully eat fresh, healthy foods to keep your body strong during your grief journey.
8. Mindful exercise. . . . Think carefully about an activity that appeals to you--hiking, biking, swimming, yoga, group fitness classes, dancing, kayaking--and do it.
9. Mindful determination. Grief doesn't allow you to rewind your life so it's important to find ways of motivating yourself to keep moving forward.
10. Mindful possibilities. As grief eases and days become lighter and brighter, be mindful about your future, about your ability to move forward and reinvent yourself.
-Victor M Parachin, Buddhist Wisdom for Beginners
7. Mindful eating. . . . Be sure to mindfully eat fresh, healthy foods to keep your body strong during your grief journey.
8. Mindful exercise. . . . Think carefully about an activity that appeals to you--hiking, biking, swimming, yoga, group fitness classes, dancing, kayaking--and do it.
9. Mindful determination. Grief doesn't allow you to rewind your life so it's important to find ways of motivating yourself to keep moving forward.
10. Mindful possibilities. As grief eases and days become lighter and brighter, be mindful about your future, about your ability to move forward and reinvent yourself.
-Victor M Parachin, Buddhist Wisdom for Beginners
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If you've recently had the unwelcome experience of a loss . . . the ensuing emotion is grief. Even this bitter taste of life can be the occasion to deepen our practice of mindfulness. . . .
1. Mindful breathing. . . . When you breathe deeply it sends a message to your brain to calm down and relax.
2. Mindful thoughts. . . . Whenever negative thoughts emerge replace them with positive ones. Move from "I can't" and "I'm not able" toward "I can" and "I am able."
3. Mindful words. . . . Use words, phrases and sentences which build up, encourage, inspire and applaud yourself and all those you come in contact with.
4. Mindful support. There are individuals around you who want to be as helpful as possible. . . . Don't hesitate to lean on them from time to time.
5. Mindful action. Take steps necessary to learn about and adapt new coping skills to help you through the hardest days.
-Victor M Parachin, Buddhist Wisdom for Beginners
1. Mindful breathing. . . . When you breathe deeply it sends a message to your brain to calm down and relax.
2. Mindful thoughts. . . . Whenever negative thoughts emerge replace them with positive ones. Move from "I can't" and "I'm not able" toward "I can" and "I am able."
3. Mindful words. . . . Use words, phrases and sentences which build up, encourage, inspire and applaud yourself and all those you come in contact with.
4. Mindful support. There are individuals around you who want to be as helpful as possible. . . . Don't hesitate to lean on them from time to time.
5. Mindful action. Take steps necessary to learn about and adapt new coping skills to help you through the hardest days.
-Victor M Parachin, Buddhist Wisdom for Beginners
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Death raises profound spiritual questions. Tap into your faith, and you will gain comfort, support, strength, insight, wisdom, and a sense of direction. If you have not been in the habit of actively participating in a faith community, bereavement is a very good time to seek one out. One of the impacts of losing a loved one to death is fear--fear of the future and fear in the present. The greatest antidote to fear is faith.
- Where fear imprisons, faith liberates.
- Where fear paralyzes, faith motivates.
- Where fear disheartens, faith encourages.
- Where fear sickens, faith heals.
- Where fear leaves us hopeless, faith generates hope.
This contemporary saying has much wisdom and truth in it: "Fear knocked at the door. Faith answered. No one was there!"
-Victor M Parachin, Healing Grief
- Where fear imprisons, faith liberates.
- Where fear paralyzes, faith motivates.
- Where fear disheartens, faith encourages.
- Where fear sickens, faith heals.
- Where fear leaves us hopeless, faith generates hope.
This contemporary saying has much wisdom and truth in it: "Fear knocked at the door. Faith answered. No one was there!"
-Victor M Parachin, Healing Grief
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Those who are grieving should think about that truth--attitudes are more important than facts. The fact is that you have lost a loved one to death. The grief is hard, and the journey is lonely. Yet your attitude can triumph over the fact about loss. Adopt the attitude that you will overcome, that you will transform pain into gain, that you will become an enlarged person as a result of this hard experience.
-Victor M Parachin, Healing Grief
-Victor M Parachin, Healing Grief
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Minister and psychologist Ann Kaiser Stearns has interviewed and studied survivors from all sorts of tragedies--people whose lives were shattered by disease, death, chronic pain, and being prisoners of war. In her book Coming Back: Rebuilding Lives after Crisis and Loss, she cites the following as attitudes crucial for overcoming adversity:
- I will not be defeated
- I will vividly examine the future
- I will take advantage of available opportunities
- I will not assume the victim posture
- I will accept life's challenges
- I can do it if I set my mind to it
- I have to be willing to expand
- I will find a way to get what I want
- I am consciously deciding to be in the company of good people
Study this list carefully. Make these your attitudes as you manage mourning. And when facing discouragement or even despair over your circumstances, keep in mind the truth that attitudes are more important than facts.
-Victor M Parachin, Healing Grief
- I will not be defeated
- I will vividly examine the future
- I will take advantage of available opportunities
- I will not assume the victim posture
- I will accept life's challenges
- I can do it if I set my mind to it
- I have to be willing to expand
- I will find a way to get what I want
- I am consciously deciding to be in the company of good people
Study this list carefully. Make these your attitudes as you manage mourning. And when facing discouragement or even despair over your circumstances, keep in mind the truth that attitudes are more important than facts.
-Victor M Parachin, Healing Grief
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It's important for any griever at any time of the year to have a support system available. This is especially true during December when holidays can magnify the sense of loss and loneliness. However, a support system doesn't just appear. It has to be cultivated and populated with a handful of individuals who truly understand what it means to grieve. Sometimes a family member or friend can offer this, but frequently that is not the case. Identify those whom you know to be good comforters and spend time with them. Another excellent option is to find and join a grief support group. Check online to see if there's one in your community. In a support group you will find others just like you, who will listen without judgment, offer unconditional support and be role models of grief recovery. Often those who participate in support groups make new friendships which continue years down the road.
-Victor M Parachin, "The Empty Chair," in Messenger of Saint Anthony, November 2025
-Victor M Parachin, "The Empty Chair," in Messenger of Saint Anthony, November 2025
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The right people for grievers include those who listen compassionately and without judgment and who respond with these kinds of empathy statements:
- This must be very difficult for you.
- This has got to be hard to accept.
- What can I do? How can I help?
- I'm so sorry.
- Tell me more.
- It's okay to cry.
- Call me whenever you want to talk.
- You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Compassionate listeners do more listening than speaking. They never make you feel as though you have been judged or misunderstood. You know that they know your pain or, at the very least, are trying hard to understand and be supportive. Blanket yourself with these kinds of people.
-Victor M Parachin, Healing Grief
- This must be very difficult for you.
- This has got to be hard to accept.
- What can I do? How can I help?
- I'm so sorry.
- Tell me more.
- It's okay to cry.
- Call me whenever you want to talk.
- You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Compassionate listeners do more listening than speaking. They never make you feel as though you have been judged or misunderstood. You know that they know your pain or, at the very least, are trying hard to understand and be supportive. Blanket yourself with these kinds of people.
-Victor M Parachin, Healing Grief
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Sooner or later each one of us will lose, to death, someone we love, value, and hold dear. That loss will plunge us into mourning. While the pain of bereavement is as intense as any pein we will ever experience, we do have a choice in how to respond to the loss. We can experience a good mourning or we can experience a bad mourning. . . . The vast majority of grievers experience a good mourning. They remember forever the one who has died, but come to terms with the loss and find new ways of living without the loved one. . . . They find themselves enlarged in heart, spirit and mind.
-Victor M Parachin, Healing Grief
-Victor M Parachin, Healing Grief