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Life is constantly throwing new, unprecedented situations in our way. We keep finding ourselves in situations where the old solutions don’t seem to work anymore. The way to deal with these situations is to employ the imagination and transform the resources that are already close at hand. - Stephen Batchelor
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Focusing on one point is concentration. Focusing on all points at the same time is meditation.- BKS Iyengar
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In his book, Everyday Dao, Deng Ming Dao asks “can we see illness as an opportunity?” and adds: “Is it the medicine and the treatment that cure us or do we cure ourselves.” The author also relates this old joke about the cure for a cold. If you take medicine, you’ll recover in a week, but if you simply rest, you’ll get better in seven days. “Whenever we’re sick, our bodies have to find the means to destroy the illness and recover health...Therefore, minor illness are not occasions of malaise, but the necessary time to create our own cure. It is not a moribund sing, but a wonderful sign of health.”
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Thomas Cleary (1949–2021), a prolific translator of nearly 100 books died on June 20th. His contribution to the growth of Buddhism in the West could not be underestimated as more than 30 of his translations were from traditional Japanese and Chinese texts. His obituary explains his passion and his purpose for translation which are highly regarded among academics as well as the general reader:
"Tom was known for his prodigious accomplishments as a translator. Born deaf in one ear, he had an unusual innate ability with languages and, while still an undergraduate, decided he would be a translator. He began translating at the age of 18 and went on to write and translate close to 100 books. His translations from classical Chinese, Japanese, Sanskrit, Pali, Bengali, Arabic, and Old Irish are recognized for the clear, accurate, natural style in which he made accessible both well-known and little-known classical texts: Buddhist and Taoist works, works from the Art of War tradition on leadership and strategy and building strong organizations, the Qur'an, the sayings of Muhammad, the counsels of Hadrat Ali, the counsels of Cormac. Tom Cleary believed that the works he selected for translation spoke urgently to our present time, a present in which he always remained deeply interested."
"Tom was known for his prodigious accomplishments as a translator. Born deaf in one ear, he had an unusual innate ability with languages and, while still an undergraduate, decided he would be a translator. He began translating at the age of 18 and went on to write and translate close to 100 books. His translations from classical Chinese, Japanese, Sanskrit, Pali, Bengali, Arabic, and Old Irish are recognized for the clear, accurate, natural style in which he made accessible both well-known and little-known classical texts: Buddhist and Taoist works, works from the Art of War tradition on leadership and strategy and building strong organizations, the Qur'an, the sayings of Muhammad, the counsels of Hadrat Ali, the counsels of Cormac. Tom Cleary believed that the works he selected for translation spoke urgently to our present time, a present in which he always remained deeply interested."
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As a rule, if people don’t like themselves, they will be less kind to others. People who despise themselves are more likely to mistreat others than are those with a positive self-image. - Rabbi Joseph Telushkin
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Grief is not a problem to be fixed but is a natural and necessary process to be supported by family, friends, neighbors, and colleagues. With the right kind of support any loss can be overcome and every life can move forward in ways that are healthy and positive. Here are some things to say - and not to say - when you want to help a grieving friend.
Don't say . . . "I know how you feel." First of all, this could be a lie. If you've never experienced the death of a close family member or good friend, then it's quite impossible to know how a griever feels. Secondly, the statement takes the focus away from the person grief and toward yourself.
Do say . . . "I can't imagine how this feels but I realize it hurts and I want to be helpful." This validates the person's feelings. Of course, if you have had a significant person in life die, then you can say "I know how you feel" but back it up by adding a brief explanation - "My partner died three years ago" or "My son was killed in an auto accident last year."
Don't say . . . "It was God's will." Rev. William Sloan Coffin offers this insight: " The one thing that should never be said when someone dies is 'It is the will of God.' Never do we know enough to say that.'
Do say . . . "I am including you in my prayers" or "You will be in my thoughts." These are more general but still supportive spiritual statements.
Don't say . . . "Be strong" or "Cheer up" or "Don't cry". These comments don't fit reality for someone grieving because they feel wounded, sad and in a type of sorrow that naturally causes tears.
Do Say . . . "It's Ok to cry" or "It's only natural you are sad". Again, this validates the person's experience as well as giving permission to grieve honestly.
Don't say . . . "Talking about it will only make it worse" or "Let's no dwell on that." This effectively shuts down a person at a time when they most need to express their loss and explore the feelings which are emerging from it.
Do say . . . "Any time you want to talk, call, text or email me" or "You can talk to me about your daughter anytime you want - in one week, one year, five years, ten years". Now the griever knows you currently available as well as there for the long haul.
Don't say . . . "How are you?" or "How are you doing?" Obviously, the right answer is "not good." Furthermore, those questions merely elicit trite responses such as "OK," "Fine," or even "Great". The reality is most grievers would like to be more honest - "I'm terrible," "I feel like I'm falling apart" - but they won't do that because they don't want to overwhelm others.
Do say . . . "How does the loss feel today?" "What's been especially hard for you this week?" "What has been in your mind the last few hours or days?" Questions such as these permit and prompt the person to respond with specific details about their grief journey.
Don't say . . . "Let me know if I can do anything." While the intention is positive, the offer is too vague and most grievers will not follow up beyond saying "Ok, Thank you."
Do say . . . "Would you like me to come by and mow your lawn this week?" or "May I bring by an evening meal one night?" or "If you're up for a walk, I can pick you up this weekend and we can walk together." Specific offers of targeted support is always appreciated.
Finally, be the type of friend to a grieving person that Greek philosopher Euripedes described when he said: "One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.”
(feel free to re-post and/or link to your social media)
Don't say . . . "I know how you feel." First of all, this could be a lie. If you've never experienced the death of a close family member or good friend, then it's quite impossible to know how a griever feels. Secondly, the statement takes the focus away from the person grief and toward yourself.
Do say . . . "I can't imagine how this feels but I realize it hurts and I want to be helpful." This validates the person's feelings. Of course, if you have had a significant person in life die, then you can say "I know how you feel" but back it up by adding a brief explanation - "My partner died three years ago" or "My son was killed in an auto accident last year."
Don't say . . . "It was God's will." Rev. William Sloan Coffin offers this insight: " The one thing that should never be said when someone dies is 'It is the will of God.' Never do we know enough to say that.'
Do say . . . "I am including you in my prayers" or "You will be in my thoughts." These are more general but still supportive spiritual statements.
Don't say . . . "Be strong" or "Cheer up" or "Don't cry". These comments don't fit reality for someone grieving because they feel wounded, sad and in a type of sorrow that naturally causes tears.
Do Say . . . "It's Ok to cry" or "It's only natural you are sad". Again, this validates the person's experience as well as giving permission to grieve honestly.
Don't say . . . "Talking about it will only make it worse" or "Let's no dwell on that." This effectively shuts down a person at a time when they most need to express their loss and explore the feelings which are emerging from it.
Do say . . . "Any time you want to talk, call, text or email me" or "You can talk to me about your daughter anytime you want - in one week, one year, five years, ten years". Now the griever knows you currently available as well as there for the long haul.
Don't say . . . "How are you?" or "How are you doing?" Obviously, the right answer is "not good." Furthermore, those questions merely elicit trite responses such as "OK," "Fine," or even "Great". The reality is most grievers would like to be more honest - "I'm terrible," "I feel like I'm falling apart" - but they won't do that because they don't want to overwhelm others.
Do say . . . "How does the loss feel today?" "What's been especially hard for you this week?" "What has been in your mind the last few hours or days?" Questions such as these permit and prompt the person to respond with specific details about their grief journey.
Don't say . . . "Let me know if I can do anything." While the intention is positive, the offer is too vague and most grievers will not follow up beyond saying "Ok, Thank you."
Do say . . . "Would you like me to come by and mow your lawn this week?" or "May I bring by an evening meal one night?" or "If you're up for a walk, I can pick you up this weekend and we can walk together." Specific offers of targeted support is always appreciated.
Finally, be the type of friend to a grieving person that Greek philosopher Euripedes described when he said: "One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.”
(feel free to re-post and/or link to your social media)
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There are only three possible outcomes when we desire something: we don’t get it, and we suffer; we get it, but it’s not what we expected, and we suffer; we get it, it’s just what we expected —and sooner or later we lose it, and we suffer. To desire is to suffer. - Tashi Nyima
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The Sanskrit word for the fourth chakra (commonly called the heart chakra) is anahata and it literally means uninjured, unhurt, unwounded, unbroken. That definition directed to the heart area is generally not the human experience as most people have hearts which have been hurt, wounded and even broken. However, the spiritual meaning of the word anahata strongly implies that an injured heart can be healed and a broken heart can be mended. The term suggests that the injuries and wounds from past experiences can be overcome. For this to happen, one needs to engage in spiritual practices such as meditation, chanting, visualization, etc., which empower a person to release and let go of past hurts.
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These two people are hard to find in the world. Which two? The one who is first to do a kindness, and the one who is grateful for a kindness done and feels inclined to reciprocate. These two people are hard to find in the world. - Buddha
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Meditation is based on the premise that the natural state of the mind is calm and clear. Thus, meditation provides a way to train our mind to settle into this calm and clear state. In the East meditation is primarily for greater spiritual awareness and connection. In the West people approach meditation first for stress reduction. Interestingly, however, they discover and appreciate the spiritual link as well. Whatever your reason for meditation, it will make your life calmer, richer, happier, more peaceful. Through meditation we discover the basic goodness of our natural mind.