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“Compassion is not a feeling, but is direct, skillful action.” -Christopher Titmuss
“It’s not enough just to talk about compassion; we have to do the work of compassion.”—Thich Nhat Hanh
“When compassion arises, the next step is actively expressing it. This is what brings compassion fully to life.”—Tara Brach
Compassion is a skill that takes practice to perfect. Consider making compassion a daily practice in your life by smiling at everyone you encounter, being patient, speaking gently and kindly, encouraging people, expressing appreciation, apologizing when you’re wrong, and forgiving people when they make mistakes.
-Victor M Parachin, "How to Practice Compassion the Buddhist Way," Spirituality & Health
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It’s easy, and perhaps natural, to underestimate our acts of kindness and be left wondering whether they actually make any difference. The Buddha recognized we humans think this way, so he cautioned: “Do not overlook tiny good actions, thinking they are of no benefit; even tiny drops of water in the end will fill a huge vessel. Do not overlook negative actions merely because they are small; however small a spark may be, it can burn down a haystack as big as a mountain.”
-Victor M Parachin, "How to Practice Compassion the Buddhist Way," Spirituality & Health
-Victor M Parachin, "How to Practice Compassion the Buddhist Way," Spirituality & Health
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Nothing will derail a meditation practice more quickly and permanently than harboring a mistaken understanding of what meditation does and does not do. Meditation is not about "killing the ego" or seeing colors, hearing sounds, and experiencing visions. What a healthy meditation practice should do is make you a calmer, wiser, kinder human.
Tashi Nyima, a Tibetan Buddhist monk who leads a community in Dallas elaborates: "A good meditation has little or nothing to do with 'extra-sensory perceptions' or escaping temporarily from suffering. A walk, a nap, a vacation, or a warm bath can be more effective for such purposes. If we continue to harbor the same prejudices, the same irritability, and the same indifference toward the suffering of others when we rise from the cushion, it does not matter how many divine lights we see or how many celestial sounds we hear—our meditation is a farce. If we rise from the cushion with more patience, more love, and more compassion, our meditation has been good."
-Victor M Parachin, "How to Make Meditation a Habit the Buddhist Way," Spirituality & Health
Tashi Nyima, a Tibetan Buddhist monk who leads a community in Dallas elaborates: "A good meditation has little or nothing to do with 'extra-sensory perceptions' or escaping temporarily from suffering. A walk, a nap, a vacation, or a warm bath can be more effective for such purposes. If we continue to harbor the same prejudices, the same irritability, and the same indifference toward the suffering of others when we rise from the cushion, it does not matter how many divine lights we see or how many celestial sounds we hear—our meditation is a farce. If we rise from the cushion with more patience, more love, and more compassion, our meditation has been good."
-Victor M Parachin, "How to Make Meditation a Habit the Buddhist Way," Spirituality & Health
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All of us have a deep-seated belief that life should be free of suffering. Think about how often these kinds of thoughts have entered your mind: My marriage should be a happy and fulfilling one. My children should know or be doing better. My supervisor is insensitive. My friend let me down. How could he do that to me? She should have known better. Why is this happening to me? What was he thinking when he said that to me? Life should not be this hard. Life isn't fair.
Psychiatrists and psychologists actually have a name for this condition Those who refuse to let go of resentments and hurts are engaging in "narcissistic entitlement." Left unchallenged, narcissistic entitlement can result in a person becoming bitter, angry, hostile, resentful, unwilling to forgive and unable to move on.
Oddly, the illusion that life should be free of suffering is often heightened in those who pursue spiritual practices, because they erroneously believe that all problems will disappear if one is "spiritual" enough. Thinking the right way, speaking the right way, acting the right way--none of these can provide immunity to problems, although these practices can prevent many issues and minimize the fallout.
What spiritual practices can do is help us deal with those matters in a calmer, more balanced way. The Buddha is right: Because we live in an imperfect, messy world, we will always have "eighty-three" problems. Expecting not to have problems is one of the great illusions about life. If he were here today, the Buddha might very well say: "Get real. Wake up. Abandon the illusion about how life should be and face life as it really is."
-Victor M Parachin, Eastern Wisdom for Western Minds
Psychiatrists and psychologists actually have a name for this condition Those who refuse to let go of resentments and hurts are engaging in "narcissistic entitlement." Left unchallenged, narcissistic entitlement can result in a person becoming bitter, angry, hostile, resentful, unwilling to forgive and unable to move on.
Oddly, the illusion that life should be free of suffering is often heightened in those who pursue spiritual practices, because they erroneously believe that all problems will disappear if one is "spiritual" enough. Thinking the right way, speaking the right way, acting the right way--none of these can provide immunity to problems, although these practices can prevent many issues and minimize the fallout.
What spiritual practices can do is help us deal with those matters in a calmer, more balanced way. The Buddha is right: Because we live in an imperfect, messy world, we will always have "eighty-three" problems. Expecting not to have problems is one of the great illusions about life. If he were here today, the Buddha might very well say: "Get real. Wake up. Abandon the illusion about how life should be and face life as it really is."
-Victor M Parachin, Eastern Wisdom for Western Minds
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To make meditation a habit, it’s important to find regular time for meditation, and then stick with it. Treat your meditation time like an appointment with a good friend. You wouldn’t allow other events and issues to squeeze out time with a friend. Apply the same thinking toward your meditation schedule. As you sit regularly during the same time, it will naturally become part of your daily routine.
-Victor M Parachin, "How to Make Meditation a Habit the Buddhist Way," Spirituality & Health
-Victor M Parachin, "How to Make Meditation a Habit the Buddhist Way," Spirituality & Health
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There are many ways to meditate besides sitting silently. From the Vedic tradition, there is mantra meditation. Here, one repeats a word or phrase for the purpose of focusing the mind. The most common word, and one which is said to have the most power, is the sound OM. Sit quietly and chant om for several minutes until you feel your mind relaxed. Follow that with a few moments of silence.
From the Japanese Nichiren Buddhist tradition, there is chanting of the phrase Nam-myoho-renge-kyo. This way of meditation was favored by Tina Turner, the “Queen of Rock ‘n’ Roll,” who practiced chanting meditation for decades. Buddhist and Vedic traditions offer a wide variety of meditative techniques. Research them and commit to the technique that works best with your personality.
-Victor M Parachin, "How to Make Meditation a Habit the Buddhist Way," Spirituality & Health
From the Japanese Nichiren Buddhist tradition, there is chanting of the phrase Nam-myoho-renge-kyo. This way of meditation was favored by Tina Turner, the “Queen of Rock ‘n’ Roll,” who practiced chanting meditation for decades. Buddhist and Vedic traditions offer a wide variety of meditative techniques. Research them and commit to the technique that works best with your personality.
-Victor M Parachin, "How to Make Meditation a Habit the Buddhist Way," Spirituality & Health
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The seemingly universal image of a meditator is of one seated on the floor with legs crossed or in a full lotus position with feet resting on opposite thighs. While these positions work for some, they aren’t ideal for most people. In fact, the Buddha is presented in various images in four separate postures: sitting, standing, walking, and reclining. If you can sit comfortably on the floor or a cushion with legs crossed, do so. If that posture doesn’t work with your body, then do what the Buddha did: stand, walk, or lay down on your back. Also, meditation works just fine sitting on a chair with a straight back and hands gently resting on the thighs. This is called Egyptian posture because it is believed that the ancient pharaohs sat this way in meditation.
-Victor M Parachin, "How to Make Meditation a Habit the Buddhist Way," Spirituality & Health
-Victor M Parachin, "How to Make Meditation a Habit the Buddhist Way," Spirituality & Health
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“To be humble does not mean that we are ‘less than,’ but that we are ready to accept the possibility that there is some wisdom that we still do not fully possess,” says Tashi Nyima, the preceptor at Universal Compassion Buddhist Congregation in Dallas, Texas. Be a person who embraces opportunities to practice humility. Author and rabbi Joseph Telushkin suggests asking these types of questions of yourself to bring humility into your life:
- Do I respect people whose opinions differ from mine?
- Do I try to better understand those who disagree with me on important issues?
- Do I have the maturity to change my mind on a strongly held position?
- Do I listen to others with the sense I can learn something from them?
- Do I solicit and actively seek out perspectives different from my own?
-Victor M Parachin, "How to Manage Pride the Buddhist Way," Spirituality & Health
- Do I respect people whose opinions differ from mine?
- Do I try to better understand those who disagree with me on important issues?
- Do I have the maturity to change my mind on a strongly held position?
- Do I listen to others with the sense I can learn something from them?
- Do I solicit and actively seek out perspectives different from my own?
-Victor M Parachin, "How to Manage Pride the Buddhist Way," Spirituality & Health
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Meditation is very good for the spirit. Ancient yogis and modern meditators note spiritual/emotional benefits, including:
- emotional, spiritual and mental detachment
- peace of mind
- heightened awareness of the inner self
- the ability to look beyond the body, mind and personality
- living without ego attachment
- discovery of one's true being
- attaining self-realization and spiritual awakening
- maintain a balanced perspective on life
Before proceeding, it can be helpful to pause and think about the importance of cultivating a broad perspective on your life. Suffering is often deepened because we personalize what has happened. This can leave us feeling victimized by life which, in turn, makes us feel worse. . . . You have a choice in how you will respond to traumas which come your way. Use meditation as a tool for empowering you to respond--not react--to life's difficulties in a rational, healthy and balanced way.
-Victor M Parachin, Sit a Bit
- emotional, spiritual and mental detachment
- peace of mind
- heightened awareness of the inner self
- the ability to look beyond the body, mind and personality
- living without ego attachment
- discovery of one's true being
- attaining self-realization and spiritual awakening
- maintain a balanced perspective on life
Before proceeding, it can be helpful to pause and think about the importance of cultivating a broad perspective on your life. Suffering is often deepened because we personalize what has happened. This can leave us feeling victimized by life which, in turn, makes us feel worse. . . . You have a choice in how you will respond to traumas which come your way. Use meditation as a tool for empowering you to respond--not react--to life's difficulties in a rational, healthy and balanced way.
-Victor M Parachin, Sit a Bit
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There is pride that is positive and emotionally healthy that shows up as self-confidence, healthy self-esteem, and awareness and appreciation of one’s accomplishments and achievements. In an article from Tricycle: The Buddhist Review titled “Hang On To Your Ego,” Thanissaro Bhikkhu writes: “If your ego functions are healthy and well-coordinated, they give you a consistent sense of priorities as to which forms of happiness are more worthwhile than others; a clear sense of where your responsibilities do and don’t lie; a strong sense of your ability to judge right and wrong for yourself; and an honest sense of how to learn from your past mistakes.”
On the other hand, there is pride that is emotionally dysfunctional. That form of pride looks like arrogance, inflated self-esteem, and the feeling that one is superior to and more important than others. . . . It can be challenging to assess whether you’re simply a confident person or someone who is arrogant and whose pride is becoming an issue. The subtle grip of pride entering a person’s life was observed by the Seventh Dalai Lama (1708-1757) who wrote: “What is the wild horse that throws one from the mountain one is ascending? Pride, which thinks oneself superior and dwells on one’s own good qualities.”
-Victor M Parachin, "How to Manage Pride the Buddhist Way," Spirituality & Health
On the other hand, there is pride that is emotionally dysfunctional. That form of pride looks like arrogance, inflated self-esteem, and the feeling that one is superior to and more important than others. . . . It can be challenging to assess whether you’re simply a confident person or someone who is arrogant and whose pride is becoming an issue. The subtle grip of pride entering a person’s life was observed by the Seventh Dalai Lama (1708-1757) who wrote: “What is the wild horse that throws one from the mountain one is ascending? Pride, which thinks oneself superior and dwells on one’s own good qualities.”
-Victor M Parachin, "How to Manage Pride the Buddhist Way," Spirituality & Health