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Whenever you find it hard to keep going because the challenges are discouraging, think about our planet earth. Mother Earth experiences monsoons, tornadoes, hurricanes, wildfires, earthquakes, volcanoes. Each time any of those strikes, earth experiences destruction. And yet, the earth heals herself over time. Grass returns, flowers bloom, young trees grow. Mother Earth knows how to work in harmony with life's circumstances. Persistently and consistently she finds ways to self-heal.
-Victor M Parachin, Sit a Bit
-Victor M Parachin, Sit a Bit
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Note from Janet: Victor's birthday is this week and here is a post that explores a Buddhist view of birthdays.
Here are three specifically Buddhist (mindful) ways to celebrate a birthday:
First, remember, with appreciation, the woman who gave you birth. Whether your mother was adequate or not is irrelevant. The fact is, she kept you alive and nurtured your growth when you could not do it for yourself. . . . Secondly, do an act of kindness for an animal. On special days, Buddhists worldwide will go to a market and buy a live creature destined for slaughter--a fish, goat, sheep, turtle, bird--and release it in an appropriate area. . . . Another way to embrace animal compassion on a birthday is by making a significant donation to an animal shelter. Thirdly, create a more mindful birthday by contributing a gift of money to a needy individual or civic organization. By so doing, a birthday isn't just "all about me" but also about others.
-Victor M Parachin, Buddhist Wisdom for Beginners
Here are three specifically Buddhist (mindful) ways to celebrate a birthday:
First, remember, with appreciation, the woman who gave you birth. Whether your mother was adequate or not is irrelevant. The fact is, she kept you alive and nurtured your growth when you could not do it for yourself. . . . Secondly, do an act of kindness for an animal. On special days, Buddhists worldwide will go to a market and buy a live creature destined for slaughter--a fish, goat, sheep, turtle, bird--and release it in an appropriate area. . . . Another way to embrace animal compassion on a birthday is by making a significant donation to an animal shelter. Thirdly, create a more mindful birthday by contributing a gift of money to a needy individual or civic organization. By so doing, a birthday isn't just "all about me" but also about others.
-Victor M Parachin, Buddhist Wisdom for Beginners
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It's all too easy to discount our efforts and minimize our effectiveness on the planet because most of us are not creating global change--negotiating peace treaties, ending wars, discovering new vaccines, etc. Yet, the Buddha wisely reminds people not to overlook tiny good actions. Our small acts can, indeed, make a big difference. A tiny seed can, in time, produce a huge tree. A small act of compassion can relieve a great distress. The journey that covers an enormous landscape always begins with the first step. The Buddha taught, "Do not overlook tiny good actions, thinking they are of no benefit; even tiny drops of water in the end will fill a huge vessel."
-Victor M Parachin, Eastern Wisdom for Western Minds
-Victor M Parachin, Eastern Wisdom for Western Minds
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Minister and psychologist Ann Kaiser Stearns has interviewed and studied survivors from all sorts of tragedies--people whose lives were shattered by disease, death, chronic pain, and being prisoners of war. In her book Coming Back: Rebuilding Lives after Crisis and Loss, she cites the following as attitudes crucial for overcoming adversity:
- I will not be defeated
- I will vividly examine the future
- I will take advantage of available opportunities
- I will not assume the victim posture
- I will accept life's challenges
- I can do it if I set my mind to it
- I have to be willing to expand
- I will find a way to get what I want
- I am consciously deciding to be in the company of good people
Study this list carefully. Make these your attitudes as you manage mourning. And when facing discouragement or even despair over your circumstances, keep in mind the truth that attitudes are more important than facts.
-Victor M Parachin, Healing Grief
- I will not be defeated
- I will vividly examine the future
- I will take advantage of available opportunities
- I will not assume the victim posture
- I will accept life's challenges
- I can do it if I set my mind to it
- I have to be willing to expand
- I will find a way to get what I want
- I am consciously deciding to be in the company of good people
Study this list carefully. Make these your attitudes as you manage mourning. And when facing discouragement or even despair over your circumstances, keep in mind the truth that attitudes are more important than facts.
-Victor M Parachin, Healing Grief
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When we are mindful, we create a space between a reaction and a response. And in that space we can access the wisdom that empowers us to move from reaction to reflection to response. Unlike a reaction, in which we are controlled by difficult thoughts and emotions, mindfulness creates a gap moment that allows us to control the response. In the gap we can pause, analyze and respond in a way that is skillful, positive and helpful.
-Victor M Parachin, Think Like the Buddha
-Victor M Parachin, Think Like the Buddha
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- Take several deep inhalations and exhalations.
- Begin to breathe normally.
- Focus on sight: Take in the surroundings--trees, grass, birds, insects, etc.
- Focus on sounds--birds singing, people talking, walking, jogging or biking, etc.
- Focus on smells--flowers, the earth, someone barbecuing, etc.
- Focus on touch. Place your hands on the earth, feel the tree supporting your back.
- Finish by expressing gratitude to Mother Earth for her beauty.
-Victor M Parachin, Sit a Bit
- Begin to breathe normally.
- Focus on sight: Take in the surroundings--trees, grass, birds, insects, etc.
- Focus on sounds--birds singing, people talking, walking, jogging or biking, etc.
- Focus on smells--flowers, the earth, someone barbecuing, etc.
- Focus on touch. Place your hands on the earth, feel the tree supporting your back.
- Finish by expressing gratitude to Mother Earth for her beauty.
-Victor M Parachin, Sit a Bit
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It's important for any griever at any time of the year to have a support system available. This is especially true during December when holidays can magnify the sense of loss and loneliness. However, a support system doesn't just appear. It has to be cultivated and populated with a handful of individuals who truly understand what it means to grieve. Sometimes a family member or friend can offer this, but frequently that is not the case. Identify those whom you know to be good comforters and spend time with them. Another excellent option is to find and join a grief support group. Check online to see if there's one in your community. In a support group you will find others just like you, who will listen without judgment, offer unconditional support and be role models of grief recovery. Often those who participate in support groups make new friendships which continue years down the road.
-Victor M Parachin, "The Empty Chair," in Messenger of Saint Anthony, November 2025
-Victor M Parachin, "The Empty Chair," in Messenger of Saint Anthony, November 2025
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A popular teaching in the Zen tradition is equanimity or balance in the presence of various life issues. . . . Equanimity is something which ought to be brought to all events which come our way. In times of pain or pleasure, in times of sorrow and happiness, we can train ourselves not to be carried away by our emotions remembering to remain in a balanced state.
For example, when we learn someone has gossiped about us we do not react by gossiping back nor feeling broken by what was said. When we are treated with contempt and rudeness, we do not lash out with anger. Or, when someone we love has been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness, we do not collapse in dread. We choose to remain balanced, calm, even serene.
-Victor M Parachin, Buddhist Wisdom for Beginners
For example, when we learn someone has gossiped about us we do not react by gossiping back nor feeling broken by what was said. When we are treated with contempt and rudeness, we do not lash out with anger. Or, when someone we love has been diagnosed with a life-threatening illness, we do not collapse in dread. We choose to remain balanced, calm, even serene.
-Victor M Parachin, Buddhist Wisdom for Beginners
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Many times we're too hard on ourselves and view ourselves as weak, ineffective, hesitant and timid. That becomes so ingrained in our thoughts that we come to believe it's our true nature. However, Buddhist thought teaches just the opposite. Buddhists like to remind us that whenever we look into a mirror, we are seeing a Buddha. Our true nature is Buddhahood and everything that implies.
One way of actualizing our true nature is to meditate upon it. Sit comfortably and take a few deep inhalations/exhalations. Then return to normal breathing. Then repeat these three statements slowly, carefully, over and over during your five-minute meditation.
- Joy is my true nature.
- Love is my true nature.
- Peace is my true nature.
-Victor M Parachin, Sit a Bit
One way of actualizing our true nature is to meditate upon it. Sit comfortably and take a few deep inhalations/exhalations. Then return to normal breathing. Then repeat these three statements slowly, carefully, over and over during your five-minute meditation.
- Joy is my true nature.
- Love is my true nature.
- Peace is my true nature.
-Victor M Parachin, Sit a Bit
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Though it sounds dark and unpleasant, the Buddhist tradition has strongly stressed the importance of thinking about one's own death. The reason: a meditation on death is a powerful tool for developing insight into the best way of living a meaningful, significant and satisfying life. . . .
If this was the last day of my life,
- what would I do?
- what would I say?
- who would I be with?
-Victor M Parachin, Think Like the Buddha
If this was the last day of my life,
- what would I do?
- what would I say?
- who would I be with?
-Victor M Parachin, Think Like the Buddha