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The word “bereavement” literally means “to be deprived by death.” Those who have lost a loved one – child, spouse, parent, grandparent, relative, friend or colleague – find themselves coping with loss while living with grief. Here are nine suggestions for managing this time of pain and healing.
#1. Know what to expect. Expect emotional turmoil. Some of the common emotional responses when someone you love has died include: disbelief, confusion, anger, sadness, yearning, despair, guilt, anxiety and more. When any of these emerge, just accept it as part of the grief recovery process.
#2. Know your “job” as a griever. J. William Worden, PhD., a professor of psychology at Harvard Medical School identifies four “tasks” of the mourner – task 1 – to accept the reality of the loss; task 2 – to experience the pain of grief; task 3 – to adjust to an environment in which the deceased is missing; task 4 – to withdraw emotional energy and reinvest it in another relationship. Dr. Worden’s “tasks” are an important reminder that you, as a griever, have a job to do in order to heal from grief.
#3. Spend time with supportive people. Not everyone knows how to respond in skillful ways to a griever. These women and men don’t mean to be unkind or insensitive. They just don’t know how to help a griever. Find those who have the “magic touch”, those in whose presence you feel accepted and validated. Stay close to them. Distance yourself from the others.
#4. Share your thoughts and feelings. When you are with kind, supportive individuals, let them know how you are doing emotionally and what you are thinking mentally. Getting your thoughts and feelings “out there” into words can help you clarify things.
#5. Take care of your health. You’ve already suffered one loss. In the process of grieving, don’t lose your health as well. Be sure to eat well, drink water and get plenty of rest. Be aware of the danger of developing a dependence on medication or alcohol to deal with your grief.
#6. Postpone major life changes. A time of grief is not the time to make major changes such as moving, remarrying, changing jobs, making new financial investments, having another child, etc. Give yourself time to adjust to loss before making any big lifestyle changes.
#7. Be patient. It can take months or even years to fully absorb the loss into your life. Cultivate patience. You will heal but it will take time.
#8. Get professional help when necessary. Sometimes the loss is overwhelming and one simply cannot manage it singlehandedly. That’s the time to seek professional aid. “Speaking toa counselor or therapist when you have been hurt by death is no different from going to a medical doctor when you have a deep cut. Both kinds of professionals are trained to help people heal,” writes Marilyn E. Gootman, Ed.D., author When A Friend Dies.
#9. Practice shalom. In his book, Living With Loss, Healing with Hope, Rabbi Earl Grollman says that in Hebrew “shalom” means farewell, peace, and welcome. He explains: “Shalom says farewell to the past. At the funeral, and through the months of grieving you sorrowfully bid your loved one shalom, good-bye. Shalom makes peace with what life has brought. Through honoring your loved one’s memory and treasuring the life you shared together, you strive to make peace with both life and death. Shalom welcomes the future. Your loved one has transformed and enriched your life. Those gifts live on within you. They give you strength and courage as your walk forward to greet tomorrow.”
(feel free to re-post and / or link to your social media)
#1. Know what to expect. Expect emotional turmoil. Some of the common emotional responses when someone you love has died include: disbelief, confusion, anger, sadness, yearning, despair, guilt, anxiety and more. When any of these emerge, just accept it as part of the grief recovery process.
#2. Know your “job” as a griever. J. William Worden, PhD., a professor of psychology at Harvard Medical School identifies four “tasks” of the mourner – task 1 – to accept the reality of the loss; task 2 – to experience the pain of grief; task 3 – to adjust to an environment in which the deceased is missing; task 4 – to withdraw emotional energy and reinvest it in another relationship. Dr. Worden’s “tasks” are an important reminder that you, as a griever, have a job to do in order to heal from grief.
#3. Spend time with supportive people. Not everyone knows how to respond in skillful ways to a griever. These women and men don’t mean to be unkind or insensitive. They just don’t know how to help a griever. Find those who have the “magic touch”, those in whose presence you feel accepted and validated. Stay close to them. Distance yourself from the others.
#4. Share your thoughts and feelings. When you are with kind, supportive individuals, let them know how you are doing emotionally and what you are thinking mentally. Getting your thoughts and feelings “out there” into words can help you clarify things.
#5. Take care of your health. You’ve already suffered one loss. In the process of grieving, don’t lose your health as well. Be sure to eat well, drink water and get plenty of rest. Be aware of the danger of developing a dependence on medication or alcohol to deal with your grief.
#6. Postpone major life changes. A time of grief is not the time to make major changes such as moving, remarrying, changing jobs, making new financial investments, having another child, etc. Give yourself time to adjust to loss before making any big lifestyle changes.
#7. Be patient. It can take months or even years to fully absorb the loss into your life. Cultivate patience. You will heal but it will take time.
#8. Get professional help when necessary. Sometimes the loss is overwhelming and one simply cannot manage it singlehandedly. That’s the time to seek professional aid. “Speaking toa counselor or therapist when you have been hurt by death is no different from going to a medical doctor when you have a deep cut. Both kinds of professionals are trained to help people heal,” writes Marilyn E. Gootman, Ed.D., author When A Friend Dies.
#9. Practice shalom. In his book, Living With Loss, Healing with Hope, Rabbi Earl Grollman says that in Hebrew “shalom” means farewell, peace, and welcome. He explains: “Shalom says farewell to the past. At the funeral, and through the months of grieving you sorrowfully bid your loved one shalom, good-bye. Shalom makes peace with what life has brought. Through honoring your loved one’s memory and treasuring the life you shared together, you strive to make peace with both life and death. Shalom welcomes the future. Your loved one has transformed and enriched your life. Those gifts live on within you. They give you strength and courage as your walk forward to greet tomorrow.”
(feel free to re-post and / or link to your social media)
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Buddhism may be easy to understand, but in reality it is difficult to practice. Hsing Yun
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Japa is a way of meditating by repeating a mantra, sacred word(s), or the name of a deity. Mala beads are often used to facilitate this meditation ensuring that the repetition is done at least 108 times. This practice was favored by Swami Sivananda who said Japa “is spiritual food for the hungry soul. Japa is the rod in the hand of the blind aspirant to plod on the road to Realization. Japa is the philosopher’s stone or divine elixir which makes one God like. Practice of Japa alone can give eternal peace, bliss, immortality.”
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Smile in adversity,
be patient in calamity,
have balance of mind
in prosperity.
Do not be shaken by
the trifles of life.
- Swami Jyotirmayananda
be patient in calamity,
have balance of mind
in prosperity.
Do not be shaken by
the trifles of life.
- Swami Jyotirmayananda
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Deriving from two Sanskrti words man meaning ‘thought’ or ‘mind’ and tra meaning ‘instrument’ mantra literally means instrument of mind or, in the Vedic view an instrument of consciousness. The Vedas state that mantras were revealed and received by ancient sages as tools to improve the quality of life and to achieve spiritual progress.
Thus, mantras can generally be divided into two categories: 1) those to develop spiritual an inner progress; 2) those to bring more favorable outer and material needs. A partial list of mantra uses could include:
Mantras are recited in three different ways: 1) out loud; 2) in whispers; 3) silently within the mind. When beginning a mantra practice, it is advisable to start by repeating the mantra out loud to become comfortable with it, then moving toward a whispered mantra eventually reciting it silently in the mind. It is taught that mantras chanted silently within the mind are more powerful because their vibration is beyond ordinary hearing sound.
Thus, mantras can generally be divided into two categories: 1) those to develop spiritual an inner progress; 2) those to bring more favorable outer and material needs. A partial list of mantra uses could include:
- raise consciousness
- self-preparation for advancing toward higher states of being
- help transition from mere material concerns to spiritual evolution
- tap into positive, universal energies to overcome troubles and trials
- assist in healing mind, body, emotions and spirit
- remove negativity.
- unite the lower self with the Higher Self.
Mantras are recited in three different ways: 1) out loud; 2) in whispers; 3) silently within the mind. When beginning a mantra practice, it is advisable to start by repeating the mantra out loud to become comfortable with it, then moving toward a whispered mantra eventually reciting it silently in the mind. It is taught that mantras chanted silently within the mind are more powerful because their vibration is beyond ordinary hearing sound.
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I’m not crazy, the system is crazy. - Gloria Steineim
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While the Western religions stress the importance of finding God, the Gita and Vedic philosophy teaches that the Supreme Being we label “God” reveals himself/herself to us and this happens only when we have done the appropriate spiritual work. Here are four Vedic insights about the Supreme Being.
1. God cannot be perceived or conceived. God is formless, nameless, and beyond words. The Svetasvatara Upanishad (4.20) explains that God’s form “is imperceptible to mundane senses. No one can see Him with material eyes. Only those who realize, through deep pure-hearted meditation” can encounter the Divine.
2. God must be experienced. The Divine cannot be discovered via books, academic study, lectures, sermons, bible study, or mere attendance at a church, synagogue, temple, mosque. Another Upanishad, the Katha Upanishad (1.2.23) states: "The Supreme Soul can neither be attained by studying the Veda, nor by sharp intelligence, nor by hearing many discourses on the scriptures.” The text continues on to say that God reveals himself to “the soul who embraces him within the heart.”
3. God is self-revealing. Connecting with the the cosmic intelligence called “God” requires a profound inner exploration in order to reach the highest summit of awareness. This inner journey requires regular, disciplined meditation, silence, mantra, chanting, service to the world along with other spiritual practices. We are to act in such a way that God responds and reveals himself to us. Vedic Scholar Dr. David Frawley says this “requires a strong inner discipline, tremendous powers of concentration, and yet a pliable receptivity of mind and hearts.” Unceasing effort and uninterrupted practice are pre-requisites.
4. God can be symbolized personally and worshiped as a Supreme “Being”. The Gita 12:2 reads: “He whose mind is fixed on My personal form, always engaged in worshiping Me with great and transcendental faith, is considered by Me to be the most perfect." This is the Gita’s “permission” to envision God more personally rather than as an abstraction. Rather than seeking, meditating, and merging with abstractions such as Cosmic Intelligence or Universal Wisdom or The Great Mystery the Gita offers approval for us to focus on a personal form of God: Christ, Lakshmi, Allah, Ganesha, Shiva, a saint, sage or an inspiring holy woman or man.
5. God must eventually be viewed beyond the personal. A personalized concept of God is a starting point from which we must evolve. And, this is taking place according to Dr. Frawley who notes: “We are gradually moving beyond the concept of a mere anthropomorphic personal god made in the image of our human fears and desires and beginning to recognize a cosmic awareness beyond all partiality and personality.”
For further thought:
Humanity needs to win over the madness that the Supreme Being
loves only those human beings who believe in a certain book and
condemns all others to eternal hellfire. - Maria Wirth
1. God cannot be perceived or conceived. God is formless, nameless, and beyond words. The Svetasvatara Upanishad (4.20) explains that God’s form “is imperceptible to mundane senses. No one can see Him with material eyes. Only those who realize, through deep pure-hearted meditation” can encounter the Divine.
2. God must be experienced. The Divine cannot be discovered via books, academic study, lectures, sermons, bible study, or mere attendance at a church, synagogue, temple, mosque. Another Upanishad, the Katha Upanishad (1.2.23) states: "The Supreme Soul can neither be attained by studying the Veda, nor by sharp intelligence, nor by hearing many discourses on the scriptures.” The text continues on to say that God reveals himself to “the soul who embraces him within the heart.”
3. God is self-revealing. Connecting with the the cosmic intelligence called “God” requires a profound inner exploration in order to reach the highest summit of awareness. This inner journey requires regular, disciplined meditation, silence, mantra, chanting, service to the world along with other spiritual practices. We are to act in such a way that God responds and reveals himself to us. Vedic Scholar Dr. David Frawley says this “requires a strong inner discipline, tremendous powers of concentration, and yet a pliable receptivity of mind and hearts.” Unceasing effort and uninterrupted practice are pre-requisites.
4. God can be symbolized personally and worshiped as a Supreme “Being”. The Gita 12:2 reads: “He whose mind is fixed on My personal form, always engaged in worshiping Me with great and transcendental faith, is considered by Me to be the most perfect." This is the Gita’s “permission” to envision God more personally rather than as an abstraction. Rather than seeking, meditating, and merging with abstractions such as Cosmic Intelligence or Universal Wisdom or The Great Mystery the Gita offers approval for us to focus on a personal form of God: Christ, Lakshmi, Allah, Ganesha, Shiva, a saint, sage or an inspiring holy woman or man.
5. God must eventually be viewed beyond the personal. A personalized concept of God is a starting point from which we must evolve. And, this is taking place according to Dr. Frawley who notes: “We are gradually moving beyond the concept of a mere anthropomorphic personal god made in the image of our human fears and desires and beginning to recognize a cosmic awareness beyond all partiality and personality.”
For further thought:
Humanity needs to win over the madness that the Supreme Being
loves only those human beings who believe in a certain book and
condemns all others to eternal hellfire. - Maria Wirth
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Every time I’m at a graduation, I think: What if the guys got a spinster of arts degree instead of a bachelor of arts degree? And a mistress of science? - Gloria Steineim
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One of the most important practices for Yoga is mauna which simply means “silence” or “silence of the mind.” The Hindu Yoga tradition emphasizes that wisdom, insight and Self-realization can only be gained via controlled silence. Mauna is a essential practice for maintaining metal discipline and austerity.
For the yogi it can mean doing asanas silently and meditatively. Modern yogis who play music from a playlist while doing asana deprive themselves of an ideal opportunity to experience spiritual growth via silence. This is likely the reason why the use of music is frowned upon by many traditional yoga teachers. For a lay person, mauna can be developed by refraining from speech and eliminating the burden of speaking for a few minutes or even a few hours at at time on a daily basis. Those who practice mauna this way usually find it to produce a calmer and more peaceful state of mind.
For the yogi it can mean doing asanas silently and meditatively. Modern yogis who play music from a playlist while doing asana deprive themselves of an ideal opportunity to experience spiritual growth via silence. This is likely the reason why the use of music is frowned upon by many traditional yoga teachers. For a lay person, mauna can be developed by refraining from speech and eliminating the burden of speaking for a few minutes or even a few hours at at time on a daily basis. Those who practice mauna this way usually find it to produce a calmer and more peaceful state of mind.
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Buddhism itself is not especially patriarchal. The problem is that the societies in which it developed are patriarchal. Our innate potential to become liberated is the same, male or female. - Tenzin Palmo